In this episode, Bri Salsman interviews Catt, the wife of Clifton, a brain tumor survivor. Catt shares her experiences as a caregiver, the challenges they faced before and after Clifton's diagnosis, and how their family dynamics have evolved. The conversation delves into the hectic lifestyle they led prior to the diagnosis, the impact of Clifton's health on their family, and the lessons learned about balance and resilience in the face of adversity.

• Clifton's diagnosis forced them to slow down and reassess their lives.

• They thrived on a hectic lifestyle before the diagnosis.

• Family time is integrated into their work life at the bowling alley.

• Their daughter is learning valuable life skills at a young age.

• Awareness of Clifton's headaches was a gradual realization.

• Catt actively encouraged Clifton to seek medical advice.

• The couple's relationship strengthened through their challenges.

• They found a new perspective on work-life balance post-diagnosis.

• Caregiving has its own set of challenges and rewards.

• The importance of support systems in navigating health crises.

 

Resources

Check out a list of the most common medical terms relating to the brain tumor experience: rewired-minds.com/terms

Connect with brain tumor organizations here: https://www.rewired-minds.com/braintumorresources

 

Connect with Rewired Minds

Website: rewired-minds.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RewiredMindsPod

Instagram: @rewiredmindspod

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/rewiredminds

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Connect with Catt Wolfe

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cattwolfe19

Instagram: @mrs.kitty.wolfe

Email: cattwolfe2019@gmail.com

Brain Tumours with Humour Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/tumourswithhumour/

Brain Tumor Talk Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/221698948725

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Be a Guest

Interested in being a guest on a future episode? Visit rewired-minds.com/guest for more information and to submit your request.

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Disclaimer

The stories shared here are personal accounts from the brain tumor community for informational and awareness purposes only and are not intended as medical advice. Always consult with qualified healthcare professionals regarding your specific situation. Most importantly, take care of yourself as you listen and process.

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Transcript

Bri (00:00)

The stories shared here are personal accounts from the brain tumor community for informational and awareness purposes only and are not intended as medical advice. Always consult with qualified healthcare professionals regarding your specific situation.

 

Guests sometimes use medical terminology. So I've partnered with Northwestern Medicine Malnati Brain Tumor Institute to provide definitions of common terms. The full list is in the show notes.

 

Most importantly, take care of yourself as you listen and process.

 

Bri (00:34)

I’m Bri Salsman, a brain tumor survivor and identity integration coach. And you're listening to Rewired Minds, a podcast where we share brain tumor stories that change us. This is the second of a two-part series. Last week we heard from Clifton and today I'm with his wife. So if you haven't heard Clifton's story already, pause here, go back to the last week's episode and then come back when you're done. I promise you will be glad that you did.

 

Clifton's wife, Catt, has been his primary caregiver since his diagnosis of an oligodendroglioma in April of 2025. As that name insinuates, that is part of the glioma family type of tumors. And I welcome you, Catt. I'm so grateful you and Clifton are both willing to share your perspectives on the same journey. And I'm really eager to dig into your side of things. So thanks for being here.

 

Catt (01:26)

Thank you for having me. I'm really excited.

 

Bri (01:28)

We ended up connecting through a brain tumor group on Facebook. I just noticed how open and curious you were around being a caregiver and asking questions and supporting others. And I just felt like, I like her vibe. I like her approach to things. We need to connect. So I'm really excited that we've been able to make this happen.

 

Of course, like I mentioned, we've heard Clifton's side of things, but I'd love to rewind and hear how would you paint the picture of your life before his diagnosis and before getting this news?

 

Catt (02:02)

Our lives have always been very hectic. Work at least 12 hours a day at his family business. I work about 10 to 12 hours a day at the local bowling alley, which his family also owns. Not to mention we have a, she's now eight, but at the time a seven year old daughter who was in school. So every single minute of every day was pretty much accounted for. And we lived by that structure for years.

 

When we got the diagnosis, it made us stop for the first time in our 10 years together and slow down. And it's been amazing for our marriage, but it's also really put things into perspective about, you know, life and work balance that we thought we had before, but truly we didn't.

 

Bri (02:51)

Yeah. I'm just envisioning this go, go, go, what's next? What's next? You hear people talking about living in the moment, but in my mind, this sounds like living in the moment because the calendar is so full with a lot of things that you all cared about.

 

Catt (03:04)

Right, this is definitely the life that we built together. This is what we both wanted. This is what we signed up to do. So the hecticness, even though it's a lot, it's what we both needed to thrive. Like we both kind of feed off of chaos. I feel like a little bit, we're both very like scheduled people. We like to stay busy people and downtime makes you feel unproductive. So like we definitely made this lifestyle for us because of who we were.

 

Bri (03:32)

And how long have you and Clifton been married? How long have you all known each other?

 

Catt (03:38)

So tomorrow is our anniversary.

 

Bri (03:42)

Oh! Congratulations!

 

Catt (03:45)

Thank you. We have been together nine years. We've been married for seven of them and we officially have an eight year old, so we did things a little bit backwards.

 

Bri (03:54)

Hey, there is no forwards or backwards or right or wrong. Everybody's got their own way of living life.

 

Catt (04:00)

Thank you for saying that, but if you're doing the math, you know, right after we met, we had a kid, but she is an absolutely incredible kid. And she's made our relationship so much stronger because of having her as early as we did.

 

Bri (04:15)

I love this. You've kind of described a full life of businesses and long work days and your daughter’s at where does your family time fit into all of this, where you all get to connect with one another?

 

Catt (04:30)

So thankfully, because of the bowling alley and me and Clifton both bowl, when I'm there working the evening shift during leagues, he's there either bowling or working with me and our daughter is there. And my office at the bowling alley has been split into two, half office, half play area for her. She's got a TV and a couch and stuffies. She has rigged all of the claw machines to figure out how to win almost every single time.

 

So we work it together. She is really good at the cash register and she loves taking people's orders. Like we're a little working family. We spend a lot of time together there.

 

Bri (05:08)

That's amazing. And what incredible life skills that she's learning at such a young age. These will definitely carry on with her. I have no doubt.

 

So you all are just trucking along. Life is going as life goes. And we learned last week that Clifton was experiencing headaches for many years that never really went away, he just learned to manage them. And I'm curious how aware were you of his experience with these headaches at the time?

 

Catt (05:39)

His headaches have been infuriating for such a long time. So, Clifton only goes to the doctor to get his physical done once a year. Other than that, it's like pulling teeth. So when these headaches started, I was like, let's go to the eye doctor. Cause you know, headaches, could be from not having glasses if you need glasses. So I make him go to the eye doctor, but then that's not it. His vision is perfection, which is always annoying because I'm a glasses wearer.

 

So we went to the family doctor for his headaches and you know, they gave him a prescription. It works for like a week and then it stops, but then he won't go back. You know, he's like, well, we tried that. It's not working.

 

We changed his diet. We did more medicines. Like we added more vitamins to him, that kind of fun stuff. All of which would help for like a minute and then it stopped.

 

Bri (06:31)

Hmm.

 

Catt (06:31)

And then after three years of, I was getting frustrated. I was just getting incredibly frustrated because we're trying to do things as a family and he's got a timeout because he's got a headache. You know what I mean?

 

And it just kind of puts a damper on things. And when you have a seven year old trying to explain to her like, daddy can't do it right now because he has a headache, she can't see that. So it's hard for her to understand that.

 

Bri (06:56)

Right, right. Yeah, how did you explain this to her at this point in time when it's just headaches and you all don't know quite what's going on?

 

Catt (07:04)

We just had to tell her that daddy didn't feel good and he needed to lay down in the dark room and we had to be quiet around him and she understood that.

 

Bri (07:11)

We hear a lot about sharing at developmental levels and as a former educator I know what all of that means but when a doctor or a therapist or child life specialist shares make sure you're talking to your child at a developmental level for most people they don't really know what that means and it sounds like you all really hit the nail on the head you kept it very simple terms not medical jargon in a way that she could understand and even it sounds like support in her way in the way that she could at seven years old.

 

Catt (07:47)

Yep, and then when his diagnosis came into it, she really, really understood. She was absolutely incredible throughout the entire process.

 

Bri (07:56)

What was that moment when you got the news? How did that go down?

 

Catt (08:00)

So we did not tell her, we decided pretty quickly not to say anything to her besides that daddy was having headaches. Once we met with the neurologist and we had his surgery scheduled, we started telling her that daddy was having surgery to fix his headaches and she was so excited about that. She was so excited to have her daddy back to climb all over. She was really looking forward to it.

 

And then we started to tell her that we didn't know what recovery would look like and that daddy was fragile and we needed to be super careful for, you know, an undisclosed amount of time. And then as it got closer, I remember it was the day before we were taking him to the hospital. I pulled her back into our bedroom and she could tell that I was crying because she's smart and she was like, mommy, what's wrong?

 

And I told her, I said, you know, daddy's having surgery tomorrow to fix her headaches and that you need to make sure you give him the biggest hug and kiss and tell him that you love him because I don't know when you get to do it again. And she started to cry and I started to cry.

 

She ended up staying with my parents for a few days while he was in the ICU. When he came home, she hugged him while he was laying down and she basically didn't see him except for once a day. She would go in the back where he was staying, give him a hug. She would whisper, love you and send him notes and make him cards. And then about three weeks post-recovery when he started moving around better, she would sit with him and they would talk.

 

But she basically had the best summer of her entire life while he was cooped up because I hired babysitter among babysitter to play with her continuously so she wouldn't get bored. So she was out of school. She had babysitters come over to play mermaids with her at the pool while I was inside with daddy.

 

And then on a rare occasion when he felt up to it, I would put like an Indiana Jones style hat on him. Give him like a sippy cup of water and put him on a pool floaty and let him bob around the pool while she played mermaids around his feet.

 

Bri (10:09)

Oh my gosh, I love this image in my head right now.

 

Catt (10:12)

He was still quote unquote flat, zero personality, right? Minimal talking, just had the perfect RBF that a man could have with a bendy straw and a fancy hat floating around playing mermaids with his daughter.

And of course, know, we have a black lab and he had to be out there with them too. So then you've got, you know, a little dog swimming around them as this is happening. This memory lives rent free in my head, it's perfect.

 

But up until she got her daddy back, we tried to keep it as honest as possible with as little as possible because we didn't know how she would take to it. If we say daddy has a brain tumor, we didn't know what that would look like in her head. And we didn't want to risk a worse image to her than what we knew. So that's why we told her that daddy was having surgery to cure his headache.

 

Bri (11:02)

Yeah, it's a delicate balance of, like you said, you want to be honest, but even for you and Clifton, there's so much that you all don't even know. And so it's not necessarily a withholding. It's that we don't, we don't even have answers. So there's a balance of honesty without instilling fear. It seems. How would you describe it?

 

Catt (11:28)

About the same to be honest. You have to tell them the truth, but you also don't want to give them all of the truth, you know. You want to give them what they can comprehend without sounding scary. And I think we did a really good way of it. Maybe it doesn't work for everybody, but it worked for us. She's a little dramatic, so…

 

Bri (11:46)

Something about the mermaids in the pool made me imagine her as the dramatic one.

 

Catt (11:52)

Yes, so telling her like the whole tumor side of things wasn't the best interest.

 

Bri (11:57)

And you mentioned, explaining in a way that she could comprehend it. How were you comprehending all of this? Because that's another part of this equation.

 

Catt (12:06)

It came in waves, I think. Clifton and I have a very dark humor. We always have. When his headaches first started coming on, I told him that it was a brain tumor and not to worry about it, he'll be fine. And then that had to have been eight years ago, seven years ago when we started saying that it was just his brain tumor. And then to flash forward to find out that it actually was.

 

I was sitting on our front porch. He had just gotten his CAT scan results back and he walked down and he said, there's a mass. I'm having an MRI tomorrow.

 

And I said, so you did have a brain tumor. And he's like, yep, and it looks like you gave it to me. It's probably been growing for seven or eight years and like perfect. Love it. That checks out for us.

 

If we weren't laughing, we were either silent together or I was crying away from him because, in my opinion, when you’re somebody's support, if they need a space to cry and feel, you're the strong one. You're the safe space where they can come and they can feel that. If you start crying, then they might not feel like they can lean on you. At least that's how it felt like in our relationship. So my husband is a very strong man. I've seen him cry probably twice in our relationship together. So I felt like the only way he was going to open up to me about how he was feeling both emotionally and physically was if he knew that he could be weak with me.

 

Bri (13:33)

Where did you find your safe space?

 

Catt (13:35)

I don't necessarily know if I ever did. I had a few friends that I could lean on, but you also don't want to become a burden. Everybody has their own life, their own struggles and trying to take away their time with stuff that we're going through. And, and truly we didn't have that much time to feel things from diagnosis to surgery was maybe two months and it was just go go go.

 

Bri (14:00)

Yeah. And is that still the case today that you're still go, go, go and haven't really found your place?

 

Catt (14:08)

No, no, life's definitely calmed down. He wanted to go back to work full time, three weeks, six weeks post surgery. And thankfully, because of the family businesses that his family runs, I was able to go to my mother-in-law who basically told him that you're not coming back to work until I tell you that you can. 

 

Same thing with his direct supervisor at work. We came up with a game plan to keep him out. And, in doing so, we were able to spend so much time together and really do baby steps within his recovery to get him back to where he is now. I mean, he's not 100% yet. He's probably 80 to 90. But we've just spent so much time together, even if it was just like me painting the deck or something, like he was sitting on the porch swing watching and we were just talking about anything because, we went from spending an hour or two together a day to now all day, every day. It made up for lost time.

 

Bri (15:11)

This sounds so dramatic and extreme in a certain sense, but something like this could make or break a relationship. It sounds like it has made you all stronger.

 

Catt (15:22)

100% 100% I see it on Facebook and some of those groups, you know, like marriages are struggling. And after his surgery I questioned ours and not so much where it's like, okay I think I'm going to leave him or anything along those lines. But it definitely made me say how long can I do this for?

 

We were warned about everything under the Sun that could go wrong with his surgery except for when he woke up, he was gonna be quote unquote flat. Basically he wakes up without a personality. He doesn't wanna talk, he doesn't wanna eat, he just has like an RBF on his face constantly. Eventually it goes away very, very slowly. But he just looks so mean and so angry, even though he's not. He could be sitting down and staring at a wall and not realize that six hours have passed by. I was not prepared for him to be like that.

 

So when you're his caregiver and he doesn't swallow pills, so I had to crush everything and he's refusing to eat, well, now I can't get these medicines into him and I can't talk to him about it and he can't communicate with me.

 

Those three to six weeks when he was not verbal like that was the hardest in our entire marriage. Trying to anticipate his needs and trying to get him what he needs while he's just basically refusing me every step of the way was tough. Very, very tough.

 

Bri (16:44)

And what a dichotomy too from the man you knew who wakes up so early in the morning and has 15, 16, 17 hour days nonstop to then be in this kind of state. How were you processing this and what's going through your mind?

 

Catt (17:04)

My heart was just absolutely shattered and I was at my wit's end.

 

Right before he turned the corner and he started talking… Because there would be days where he maybe mumbled two or three words, but towards the end there, I was at a full mental break.

 

I had texted one of my best friends that I had known my entire life and I had said, I don't know what to do besides like hire a nurse to come in because I was so done and so tired of doing everything and not having my husband be my husband when I was told that he would be. And I think maybe if I would have known beforehand that this could have happened, I could have processed it better.

 

But not knowing this could happen and it did happen, I think is what really threw me. I didn't have enough time to prepare myself. Like this is temporary. You got this.

 

Clifton's an incredibly good bowler and we were in the ICU and he got an email from a bowling ball company that he had been waiting for for six to eight months. This is the news we were waiting for.

 

He picks up his phone. He reads that he got the good news he was hoping for and throws his phone across the ICU. And I'm like, this is good news. You know, the doctor has told us that he got 100% of it. You just got this ball contract that you've been waiting for for a half a year and you threw your phone. What is he going to do when we get actual bad news? What are we going to do when we throw our seven year old into the mix and she has like a small fit?

 

Like who is this man because that's not who I married.

 

Bri (18:32)

Did it ever cross your mind of, will I get him back?

 

Catt (18:37)

All of the time, all of the time. I was truly hoping that there would be like somebody that would say it only lasts 16 days and then I could cross off the days on my calendar. But unfortunately there was no timeline like.

 

I would say it was about week three or four where I sat down with him and I was like, you need to break. You need to come back to me. Like you need to snap out of whatever this is. And I don't think that's what did it, but after I think his follow-up scan and talking to his neurologist and forcing him to be put in situations where he had to talk to people outside of me helped to get him back.

 

Bri (19:14)

I can't imagine how challenging that must have been. How did you keep going through this and waking up day after day, not knowing if he was going to come back? What did you draw on inside yourself to keep pushing through?

 

Catt (19:27)

I don't know. I took incredibly long, very hot showers to like decompress and recharge myself. I wish I could say that I had like a magic pixie dust thing inside of me that I could draw from, but in all honesty, I don't know how I didn't run out.

 

I don't know how I made it through. I don't know how he made it through, but sometimes in life there is no option to back down. There's no option to only give it 20%. You have to give it everything you've got for however long it takes. And there was more than one person relying on me. He was relying on me. Charlotte was relying on me. And the businesses needed both of us back as quickly as we could be.

 

I felt like I was in a situation where you had no choice but to succeed no matter how long it took. And I just had to keep fighting and pushing and pushing him. I wish I had a better answer than that.

 

Bri (20:22)

No, no, that absolutely makes sense. You said it perfectly. As you're describing this, I just feel my shoulders getting heavier and heavier, especially as you're describing, I want him back and I'm also thinking about our daughter and our businesses need us both back as quickly as possible. I'm just like gosh the weight of all of this stuff on your shoulders and the responsibility and I just cannot even imagine that in combination of not feeling like you have a safe space.

 

I need to stay strong for all these people around me. I need to keep everything together. I need to be that support. And yet I don't feel like I can find my outlet. What was that moment when you started to see him coming back to who you knew him to be?

 

Catt (21:13)

So he had an at-home nurse come and check on him frequently and she came one day and she was checking his staples and she said that they were ready to come out and probably on her next visit she would start pulling them out. And he wanted to try and get his staples taken out without any pain medication. And that first comment to me kind of made me go, okay, that kind of does sound like my husband because even through all of his headaches, he refused pain medication.

 

So thankfully, like I said, because he can't swallow pills, I drugged him. I put an extra painkiller or two in his pudding that morning.

 

Bri (21:53)

Hahaha

 

Catt (21:53)

He knows about it now, but he didn't know about it then.

 

Bri (21:55)

Yeah, yeah.

 

Catt (21;55)

And he actually asked me to leave the house, which again, like kind of pointed me in the direction that he was coming back to it because he didn't want me to see him be in pain. So I took Charlotte and we left for like two hours when the nurse was going to be there.

 

And when we came back and his staples were gone, I felt like he had a little bit more color back in his face. That physical attachment that he still had to the tumor was slowly starting to go. He still had his scar and his scar was healing, but like there was that another connection to what he had gone through was disappearing. And as those connections disappeared, he came back.

 

Bri (22:34)

Wow, how do you see yourself differently through all of this?

 

Catt (22:38)

I think that I have a lot more patience now than what I did. I also think that me and him have a stronger relationship than we ever did before. You know, you really get to know somebody intimately when you have to stand behind them to pee.

 

Bri (22:52)

Yeah.

 

Catt (22:54)

But it's I've never been a patient person I've always been impatient but it also I feel like has created a hyper awareness in me that like probably isn't the healthiest right? Every cough, every ache, every bruise, I feel heightened. I feel like, okay, how long do I give this before I go to the doctor and get it checked out? With me, with him, with Charlotte. We joke about the brain tumor. The brain tumor isn't actually supposed to happen. What else could happen now?

 

Bri (23:20)

I hear so much in your story there's this extra dose of mama bareness about you. And that's not even a word, but I'm making it a word today. But just this protection, not from a place of fear though. That's not what I'm hearing. I'm hearing just an abundance of love for these people in your life, your daughter, your husband that you are pouring into them, but like I said, not from fear. How has fear entered into this equation for you?

 

Catt (23:51)

The fear started two weeks before his surgery. Right after we got the diagnosis and we met with the neurosurgeon and we had it scheduled, he went downhill very quickly. And out of respect to him and his choices, we hid so much of it. We stayed in the house 24/7. I drove. I don't think he drove a car for like three months because he didn't feel comfortable with it.

 

But he had started developing these micro seizures in his hands and in his arms. And, we were waiting for that grand mal seizure to happen, but that's on everybody's radar, right? Whenever you talk about brain tumors is the seizures and we did not want him to be in public if one happened. Thankfully, he never had one prior to surgery. But because we are so public with our businesses, he wanted to hide it.

 

So I felt like there was this extra protection that I had to protect the world from seeing him crumble because, you know, he's such a strong man and he fell so quickly. And I wanted to hide his fall from everybody.

 

But with that came the fear of being his sole caregiver and seeing these seizures happening constantly. The fear of that big one happening before his surgery kept me up at night. And after the surgery, the fear really subsided. And now I only get really stressed out when it comes time for his follow-up scans. Or when I see him fiddle with his hands too much. I get worried that he's going to have like another one of those micro seizures again, because it kind of acted the same way.

 

Bri (25:23)

Yeah, yeah. And how would you describe that scan anxiety as his caregiver? What is that experience for you?

 

Catt (25:30)

I have a pure anxiety attack. I get nauseous, I get stressed, I start pacing. I think when he was in surgery, I walked like three miles in the hospital pacing back and forth in the waiting room because I just couldn't sit still.

 

And it's the same thing when he's in the scans. I pace around the hospital for, you know, the 45 minutes to the hour, whatever long it takes for those scans. I don't handle stress of the unknown well.

 

But you have to be strong. So when he's around, there's no stress. It's very calm and cool. But the minute he walks away, I kind of implode. That's what I let the stress show.

 

Bri (26:06)

Yeah, yeah. One of the things that you shared ahead of our recording is that, each person battling deserves to give themselves grace during the healing process. What does grace look like for you?

 

Catt (26:19)

It looks like patience. It looks like apology. It's the ability to have a space safe space to feel your feelings without any judgment.

 

You need to be able to allow yourself to recover in whichever way feels safest and natural to you or to the person that you're taking care of. The numbers that the doctors give you about what you should be doing when are all just estimates. They're all just guidelines. And it differs from person to person. And you need to give yourself that grace that you might not be like everybody else. You might be different. You need to allow yourself to feel all of those things and not get hung up on the everybody else is doing better than me or why aren't I there yet. You will get there. You just have to give yourself the time to get there. The more you push it, from my experience, the further back you go.

 

Bri (27:21)

And if I may, it sounds like you might need to hear that message yourself.

 

Catt (27:27)

I think I say it because I need to hear it, but I also know he needs to hear it and everybody needs to hear it. You know, like there's not enough patience and kindness and grace in this world and the people who are struggling, I feel like get a blunt of the negativity in this world.

 

I think sometimes you just need to hear it back. I need him to hear it, but I also know that when I say it, like it makes me feel it as well.

 

Bri (27:56)

Yeah, it's a completely different experience to have a thought in your head, but to hear yourself speak it out loud, it lands differently. What is it like when you hear yourself say these things out loud?

 

Catt (28:08)

It feels good. I wish I had somebody who said those things to me, whenever I was struggling with my own personal stuff, but being able to support Clifton the way that I have, I felt like I was giving that piece back to me that like I might've been missing myself. I'm showing that I can be that character that I needed and back to him.

 

Bri (28:30)

You know, you've shared a few different things about, I just didn't know or I if I had known or things like that. What do you wish you had known or done differently with what you see today?

 

Catt (28:39)

Of course, I wish I would have made him go to the doctor sooner.

 

But I wish, I wish I knew how hard it was going to be on him to not come back as quickly as he hoped. And I wish I knew more information about the flatness. And I wish I could have protected him a little bit more while he was struggling with that.

 

You know, everybody wants to come over and wants to see him when he gets home and stuff. And once we got home from the ICU, and his friends and family started texting me asking me if they could come over, I made sure that they were all aware like that he is flat. But I don't think I necessarily told them with enough information what that meant. Because you could see on their faces like they're expecting Cliff to be happy that he just beat a brain tumor and he's alive. But that's not what you got. That's not who you saw.

 

Bri (29:36)

What are you carrying forward with you from all of this?

 

Catt (29:38)

A lot of laughter and humor, I think, is what I'm going to try and bring instead of a lot of the negatives and the stress. This diagnosis, you know, like I told you before, we have dark humor, you know, I've been telling them that he had a brain tumor for a really long time and then, you know…

 

But the day of his surgery, he walked around Penn Medicine in Philadelphia. Now mind you, this is like on the 14th floor, right? So we have gone through several lobbies, valet, elevators, waiting rooms. He's seen, you know, a couple hundred people and he's wearing a t-shirt that says brain tumor one star do not recommend.

 

Bri (30:15)

Ha!

 

Catt (30:16)

In the brain tumor wing, like in the brain surgery wing, that's what he's wearing. And I think a lot of people needed to see that. And that's just who we are. And, you know, some of the funny incidents that had happened during his recovery and some of the funny incidents that still happen now, I want to focus on those because that's who he is. And he's more than just the tumor, you know, and I don't want him to ever lose that. So if making dark jokes constantly and you know, whenever he forgets things, he taps to the side of his head and he's like, you know, tap, tap. And it's like, yeah, we know. We all know.

 

Bri (30:52)

Wow. Catt, how has all of this rewired your mind?

 

Catt (30:56)

So I am not the same person at all. I wish I could tell you how different, you know, my brain works now. But I definitely jump to like worst case scenarios now and I jump to like, my god, is he okay? Whenever something happens. It definitely makes you think about life differently, right?

 

So now I'm worst case scenario, you know, and I feel like I will be until like, you know, he's three or four years post everything.

 

But then at the same time, I also feel like I'm more patient and I'm more kind and I'm more gentle and I feel more in love and I feel more relaxed all at the same time and it doesn't make any sense at all.

 

Bri (31:38)

What I hear in all of that is I'm living life more fully. And that absolutely makes sense.

 

Catt (31:42)

Yes.

 

Yeah, yeah, maybe that's why I didn't know the words for it is because it's not something I feel like I've ever done before until now.

 

Bri (31:52)

That's powerful.

 

Catt (31:53)

Yeah. I know this is completely off topic, and I've never shared this with anybody, and I guess he's gonna find out when he listens to this, but the day of his surgery, I was so mad at him.

 

So he goes back into his room and he's getting dressed and he's laying on the bed. And they let us come back to see him one last time. And it's just me and his mom, and his mom walks away and they're about to take him back. And I just look at him and I'm holding his hand and I'm telling him, you know, I love you. And that's it, just simple, I love you.

 

And he just looks at me and he doesn't say anything. And I'm so furious that I had to sit there for what was supposed to be a five hour surgery that turned into like an eight and a half and wondering the whole time if he's gonna make it off the table and he couldn't even tell me how much I meant to him before he left me. God, I was so mad.

 

But I know looking back on it like that wasn't my husband. The tumor had taken over his personality at that point. And I try not to hold it against him, but that hurt. You know, you're about, you could possibly never see him again. And the last communication I have with him is just this blank stare. I don't know how people do it who are still struggling with it or have brain tumors worse than him. I really don't.

 

Bri (33:07)

I think we all do it the same way, which is exactly how you described is we don't have any other choice but to put one foot in front of the other.

 

Catt (33:14)

Yeah. And I hope that if there's anybody who listens to your podcast who's in the throes of it now, just take that extra minute to make sure your caregiver knows how much they mean to you. You're nothing without your caregivers. I could have easily made his recovery terrible for him. Terrible for him. I mean, I'm in the control of his drugs. Again, the dark humor.

 

Bri (33:35)

It's all welcome here. Well, speaking of if someone is connecting with your experience or is struggling right now with the exact things that you're describing and they want to connect with you, where can they find you?

 

Catt (33:52)

I'm on Facebook and Instagram. I'm really vocal in the Brain Tumours with Humor group and the dedicated glioma page that they have set up for his type of tumor. There's also a Brain Tumor Talk Facebook page. I post on that one sometimes. I posted a lot about his journey on that one and I do give advice there often. They could find me on all of that.

 

My email is cattwolfe2019@gmail.com. Catt with two T's. Wolfe with an E

 

So if anybody ever needs to just get it off their chest, but they don't know where to go, they don't have that friend like I had to lean on. If they're about to lose it on their significant other, but can't. Like if anybody needs to send me an email, I'll gladly always read and listen.

 

Bri (34:43)

This is what I love about the brain tumor community. I mean, certainly none of us ever wanted or wished to be here and we’d probably give anything not to be part of it. But once we're in it, I mean, we are in this together and I have been blown away by the support I have received from complete strangers. A listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a number to call, someone just to listen and hear and tell me like, I'm not crazy. I'm not alone, That, you know, what you're experiencing, while it may be different than others, it's still normal. And I that's something I'm very grateful about the brain tumor community. And you're definitely a big part of that. I appreciate your willingness to connect with others and offer this support. And I certainly wish both you and Clifton positive news at all future scans and definitely want to keep in touch as the journey progresses.

 

Catt (35:38)

Absolutely, absolutely. I really appreciate that. You know, everybody's family and friends are always, if you need anything, I'm there. I need anything, I'm there. But like, you don't really know if they mean that. And you also don't want to become a burden. But you know that other people who have been in the exact same spot that you're in tend to have a little bit more leniency when you come to them. You know what I mean? Like we've been there, we've seen it, we've felt it.

 

Bri (36:02)

Yeah, there's an understanding without explanation.

 

Catt (36:05)

Absolutely, that's perfect.

 

Bri (36:06)

Well, thank you so much, Catt, for carving out time to connect today.

 

Catt (36:12)

Always, always, you are truly a wonderful person and I'm very excited. This world is gonna be a lot better because this podcast sure.

 

Bri (36:19)

Aww, thank you. I really am hopeful and feeling really positive about the impact it can have. I appreciate it.

 

Bri (36:33)

Thank you for being part of the rewired minds community. Full show notes, resources, and a transcript for today's conversation can be found at rewired-minds.com/podcast.

 

If you or someone you know has a brain tumor story to share, I'd love to hear from you. Visit rewired-minds.com/guest to learn more about collaborating on a future episode.

 

This podcast is a one woman labor of love. It's a true honor to bring it to your ears and facilitate connection among the brain tumor community. If this episode resonated with you, please rate, review, and share with someone who might need to hear it.