Ep 21 | April 22, 2026 | 36 mins

In this episode of Rewired Minds, Kim Lachut delves into the emotional and psychological challenges she faced as she watched her father decline due to a glioblastoma diagnosis and treatment. Our convesation highlights the unexpected behaviors that arise, the frustration of navigating medical advice, and the profound impact on family dynamics. Kim also vulnerably shares about her experience with depression after her father’s death and how she got to a much better place today.

Instead of seeing signs of getting better, we saw the decline.
He would have weird seizures.
My dad was not an angry man, never got angry.
My husband and my brother had to physically lift him out of the chair.
He was just cussing and angry.
This just isn't right.
You're calling the doctors going, this happened, is this normal?
There's nothing normal with this disease.
Anything and everything you should expect.

Bri will be participating in Coaching for Causes for another year. Each May, certified coaches from various fields donate our time for 1:1 coaching sessions. Clients make a donation to a selected cause in exchange for a session. This ensures that 100% of proceeds go directly to the nonprofit. I'm raising funds for Northwestern Medicine Malnati Brain Tumor Institute. The best part is that every coach chooses their own cause, so you can donate to another coach's cause and still coach with me or vice versa. Visit coachingforcauses.com for details.

Resources
Check out a list of the most common medical terms relating to the brain tumor experience: rewired-minds.com/terms
Connect with brain tumor organizations here: https://www.rewired-minds.com/braintumorresources

Connect with Rewired Minds
Website: rewired-minds.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RewiredMindsPod
Instagram: @rewiredmindspod
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/rewiredminds

Connect with Kim Lachut
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-lachut-39833912a/
Email: klachut@gmail.com

Be a Guest
Interested in being a guest on a future episode? Visit rewired-minds.com/guest for more information and to submit your request.

Disclaimer
The stories shared here are personal accounts from the brain tumor community for informational and awareness purposes only and are not intended as medical advice. Always consult with qualified healthcare professionals regarding your specific situation. Most importantly, take care of yourself as you listen and process.

Transcript
Bri (00:06)
I'm Bri Salsman, a brain tumor survivor and identity integration coach, and you're listening to Rewired Minds, a podcast that shares brain tumor stories that change us. Sometimes guests use medical terminology, so I've partnered with Northwestern Medicine Malnati Brain Tumor Institute to provide definitions of common terms. You can find the full list in the show notes. Most importantly, take care of yourself as you listen and process.

Bri (00:29)
Before we get into today's episode, I'm very proud to share that I'll be participating in Coaching for Causes for another year. Coaching for Causes is built on two core principles, being of service and making a difference. Each May, certified coaches like me from various fields donate our time for virtual and in-person one-on-one coaching sessions. Clients like you make a donation to a selected cause in exchange for a session. This ensures that 100% of proceeds go directly to the nonprofit.

I'm raising funds for Northwestern Medicine Malnati Brain Tumor Institute, where I've received all my treatment and care. The best part is that every coach chooses their own cause, so you can donate to another coach's cause and still coach with me or vice versa. I encourage you to go back and listen to episode 14 to hear Caroline Lehner's story. She's the founder of Coaching for Causes. Also, visit coachingforcauses.com for details and to find your coach, make a donation, and book your session.

Bri (01:28)
Today's guest is Kim Lachut. Welcome, Kim. How are you today?

Kim Lachut (01:32)
I'm great, Bri. How are you?

Bri (01:33)
I'm doing well, thanks for asking. And of course, right out of the gate, something our listeners don't know is that you and I know each other through the American Brain Tumor Association.

Kim Lachut (01:44)
Yeah, that's right. We served on their volunteer leadership advisory council together for a couple of years.

Bri (01:50)
And so I’m so excited that you willing to share your story and wish that we had met under different circumstances, but super, super grateful to have our paths cross and have you in my life. It's been wonderful getting to know you.

Kim Lachut (02:04)
I feel the same. You they say that it's a family you never wanted to join, but it's been a wonderful experience and it's brought us together.

Bri (02:12)
Let's rewind a bit and share how you got to this family that you didn't want to join. What is your connection to the brain tumor community?

Kim Lachut (02:22)
My dad was diagnosed with a GBM, a grade four tumor, in February of 2003. And at that he had been a healthy guy his entire life. He was 61 years old. And we got this diagnosis and the whole family went into a tailspin. What's gonna happen? What are we gonna do? Where do we go from here? And there was little information out there that we could find.

And unfortunately, my dad died within five months. It was the longest five months ever, full of a lot of doctor visits and medication and chemo and radiation. And it was located in a part of his brain where it was nonoperable. So they had to put in a port so he could get his medication that way. So that's what kind of started our journey.

Bri (03:09)
How old were you when your dad received his diagnosis?

Kim Lachut (03:13)
So I was in my early 30s. I had a two-year-old daughter at home. I was working full-time. My dad and my mom lived about an hour and a half away in Massachusetts, and I was living in Connecticut. So I was trying to be a mom, be a wife, be a daughter, and was trying to do all of that in dealing with my dad's diagnosis.

Bri (03:38)
What did your relationship look like with your dad before this news?

Kim Lachut (03:42)
My dad and I were very close. My dad and I were very much alike. He was the one I would turn to when I needed advice, when things maybe weren't going so well. My mom and I would have arguments and he'd be the one to call and say, you know, you really need to call mom. And we'd talk it through. So he was the person who grounded me. And we were very, very close.

Bri (04:06)
As an adult child with your own children too, I imagine this puts you in a unique perspective, being between watching your own father go through this. But I imagine there's part of you imagining your own children in this equation as well.

Kim Lachut (04:21)
Well right, because with a GBM, it's really not known what causes it. And is it hereditary? Are there hereditary markers? And we don't just don't know. When my daughter was in high school, she actually had seizures. So you can just imagine as a mom, having gone through this with my father, the first thing I thought of was, oh my God. This can't be happening to my daughter. I immediately went to worst case scenario when that happened. We got her seizures under control and she was diagnosed with epilepsy. But there's always that wonder of, is there something in my genes that I could have passed on to her that caused this?

It's just unknown and I've had some health issues with the head area and it was always, is it what we think it is? And thank God that it hasn't been that bad.

Bri (05:13)
When you received that news, that moment of impact, learning of your father's diagnosis, what do you recall about that moment?

Kim Lachut (05:22)
I remember it so clearly. So my dad had started having some strange behaviors. His handwriting was off, his memory was off. He had been repeating himself. And then I remember I was up for a visit and he started dragging his right foot. And I said to my mom, he might be having a stroke.

So we brought him to the emergency room. And I was waiting in the emergency room. My mom was in with my dad and they had done some scans on his head a few days before because of the symptoms he had been having. And I remember my mom running out into the emergency room and looking at me and she's just unconsolable. And she says to me, they found something in his brain. And I remember my thought was, okay, we're going to get through this. Let's see what the doctors say.

It's like it was yesterday, just seeing the panic in her eyes and in her face going, I knew there was something wrong. Getting that diagnosis and knowing it was a brain tumor and not knowing what type of a brain tumor, knowing nothing about brain tumors at that time, it was very scary. And we didn't know where to turn and what to do.

Bri (06:28)
Yeah.

Kim Lachut (06:29)
So of course we started doing, you I did what everybody tells you not to do, right? You go on the internet and you start looking and this was 20 years ago and, you know, a lot has changed since then. But of course you start reading all this information and you're like, this just does not sound good. This just does not sound great. And you're just hoping that he's that one in a million that is going to be okay. But it, unfortunately, was worst case scenario for us.

Bri (06:53)
Hmm. And you've shared already, you have such a deep relationship with your father and he was kind of your go-to person to have these tough moment conversations with who did you turn to in this moment?

Kim Lachut (07:06)
I turned to my husband. He's always been my rock, but we had a two-year-old daughter at home. And I was still trying to figure out how to be a mom with this two-year-old who needed me and then be a daughter whose mother really needed her and whose dad needed her to get him through this diagnosis. So my husband was amazing.

And he said, you do what you need to do and we'll figure it out. And he became the rock and the person I leaned on because I felt I had to be the strong one for my mother and my father because my mom didn't really handle it really well at first, obviously. She saw the love of her life kind of fading away and somebody had to be strong. And I felt that that was me.

My brother also had just had a newborn son. He lived two hours away from my mom. So he was very much involved with his newborn and trying to get up to see my dad when he could, also working full time.

So it really fell to me to be the person who was going to lead the charge in my dad's care and work with my mom and get him through this. So my husband really was amazing during this time and stepped up and became my rock more so than ever during this time.

Bri (08:23)
I hear you mentioning all the things that's going on in the lives of the people around you, but you too also mentioned that you have a young child as well. How was it juggling all of this? What was the most challenging part?

Kim Lachut (08:36)
I think the hardest part was trying to hold it all together, right? So when I was home, I had to be mom and I had to be happy and I had to be, I had to be there for my daughter. She was two, she was impressionable and she needed her mom. And for me, the hardest part was trying to put up that facade of I'm okay. I'm okay, I'm okay, I can do this.

When the door closed at night, that's when I broke down. I had my moments of I don't know how I'm going to do this. And then I was in the car, you know, an hour and a half, because getting from my house to my parents' house was an hour and a half ride.

And I would do that several times a week just to go up there and help my mom with his care and go to doctor's appointments or go to his radiation and his chemo appointments. It was a lot of back and forth in it. It took its toll on me, not only physically, but mentally as well. And I think that was the hardest part to deal with.

Bri (09:31)
Yeah, there's a lot of compartmentalizing that was happening.

Kim Lachut (09:34)
Absolutely, absolutely. When I'm home, my mom. When I'm with my mother, I'm caretaker, I'm daughter. And then I'm also the wife and I'm also working full time and trying to juggle that job. It was a lot. I finally just ended up taking a leave from work because I couldn't do it anymore towards the end. I said I need to be home and I need to concentrate on my family. So I took a leave from work until my dad passed away.

Bri (09:59)
How did you arrive at that decision? There are probably some listeners in that space right now of something's got to give and how do I choose?

Kim Lachut (10:08)
Actually it wasn't a hard decision for me. My work had all, all through my dad's illness, they had been great. I was doing alumni relations and I had a major program coming up at the end of June. And I knew that there was a possibility that I wasn't going to be able to be there because my dad's health had declined pretty rapidly. So I had put into place backup plans for if I can't be here, here's what needs to happen.

So when my dad, we had to put him in hospice and we brought him home. And that's when I said, I can't, I can't be here. I need to totally leave. For me, it was just, that's what I had to do. It was a wonderful place for me to be working at the time when my dad passed away because they were so supportive and said, you need to take care of your family and your family comes first and don't worry about it. We've got this for you. So I knew that everything was going to be okay there and I could focus on what I needed to focus on and that was getting my dad through his last weeks and days of his life.

Bri (11:07)
That's wonderful to have that level of support and confidence around your job so that you could put your focus where it needed to be. What were the other kinds of support that you received from people in your life that was really helpful and meaningful at this point?

Kim Lachut (11:21)
I would say a lot from friends reaching out, you know, how are you, what can I do, is there anything you need. We all always say that we're okay and we don't really need anything, but my advice to people who are out there is if people want to help and even if it's just bringing over a meal, let them. Because with a disease like this, there's not a lot anybody can do.

Having a babysitter, somebody to watch my daughter while my husband and I were at the funeral, that meant a ton to me. So really having the support of family and friends was really, really important.

Bri (11:57)
You've mentioned your daughter a couple of times, of course, when all of this was happening, she was two. And I imagine your conversations with her have evolved over the years about all of this. How have they evolved?

Kim Lachut (12:08)
We talked a lot about my dad. I really wanted her to know who he was. And one of the first things I remember is my dad was in the hospital and she came into the room and we brought her in to see him. And she climbed right up on his hospital bed and she started feeding him goldfish. And the look on my dad's face was… It was just, it brings a smile to my face every time I think about it. And they were sharing goldfish while he was in the hospital. And I know she probably doesn't remember it now as a 24 year old woman, but we always talked about my dad and I would share pictures with her and I would share stories with her. And I remember when she was still young, she still might've been two or three and we were sitting in the car and she would help me get through.

After my dad died and she knew I was sad and she knew mommy was sad and she would come and say mommy, why are you sad? And I would say, well, honey, you know why I'm sad. She goes, you miss Poppy, don't you? Because that's what she called him and she called him Poppy. And I said, yeah, I do. And she would just put her arms around me and she'd go, mommy, it's okay, I'm here. So for somebody at two years or three years old to be able to have that wherewithal to know that mom's hurting, and mom needs a hug. It was just, she was amazing.

And I remember one day we were in the car and she looked up at the, and she looked up at a cloud and she goes, mom, I see Poppy. I said, what do you mean? She goes, up in the sky, I see him. And I had to pull over to the side of the road because the tears just started. And I'm like, she has that connection. She's thinking of him. Even though she may not remember what he looks like, she knows how much she was loved and he's still watching her and still looking down on her. So even though he wasn't here a long time in her life, he still plays a big part in her and who she is today.

Bri (13:51)
Yeah, I've often said we don't give kids and adolescents and young adults enough credit that they know more than we think that they know. That's how they learn at that age is observing and they are incredibly observant.

Kim Lachut (14:07)
I agree with you, 100%. And that's one of the reasons I didn't want to shelter her from everything that was happening. When he was in the hospital, we wanted her to go see him. And when he was home and he didn't look his best or he wasn't his best, we wanted her to be there. And the only thing I really sheltered her from because she was still too young was the funeral and the wake. She was still too small to understand that piece of it.

I wanted her to talk about it. I wanted her to understand that, no he's not here in the physical sense, but he is still with you and will always be with you. So I think that's a very important piece is that, don't underestimate what your children can do for you in this time and what they understand and what they don't understand because chances are they understand more than you think.

Bri (14:54)
I'm hearing all of these memories you're sharing about your daughter with your father. What’s one of your favorite memories of your father?

Kim Lachut (15:01)
He was very quiet, but he had this way of just pulling you into this big bear hug. And you knew as soon as he did that, everything was going to be okay. I miss those, I miss those hugs. And every once in a while, I just, I want a, I need a dad hug and I can't have it. And that's really one of the things I miss the most.

But one of the other things I remember about my dad is that he lost his job when I was in college. And he had been working for this job for over 20 years. And all of a sudden, he's like, what do I do? I've got a daughter in college. I've got a son who's soon to be in college. What do I do now? And instead of feeling sorry for himself, my dad started his own business and he went into business with two guys that were in the same situation and they started their own business and landed on their feet. was so proud that he was able to turn that negative into such a positive and do something that he still loved to do, but on his own terms. And I was always proud to say that, my dad did what he wanted, cared for his family, loved his family, loved my mom dearly, and then was able to still support his family in a time that wasn't easy for him. And that meant a lot to me because, looking back now, I'm like, just imagine the stress he was under, but you never saw it. He was always so cool headed and so, so strong.

Bri (16:27)
How would you describe his influence in your life?

Kim Lachut (16:31)
You know, I hate to say best friend. My dad was always the one, and this was like before cell phones, right? So we weren't texting, but I'd pick up the phone. Even in the middle of the day, he would call me and he'd go, hey, how you doing today? What's going on? And that unexpected phone call just out of nowhere, it always meant so much. And, you know, I'd go home and he'd look at the car and he'd like change my oil or he just a little things that he did.

Went away on a vacation, left him my car and I came home, he goes, yeah, your car needed a break. So I just got them done. It's all taken care of. And it were those things that he didn't have to do it, but he did. And he didn't do it because he knew he was going to get praise. He did it because it was just a, he wanted it, he wanted to do it. And he knew that it would mean something to us. He did it out of the kindness of his heart.

Yeah, best friend. It sounds weird to say that about your parent. But that's what my dad was to me. Because we were so alike, we always had this really strong bond. And when he went through what he was going through, it was so hard to watch, so hard to watch. Just to see this man who was so strong and the pillar of our family turn into this person that you didn't even know. You couldn't even imagine that this is what would happen. Here we thought he was gonna live this long, healthy life and at 61 years old, he's gone. And he left a big hole that will never be filled, quite frankly.

Bri (17:54)
I'd like to dig a little further into that five-month period if you're feeling ready for it.

Kim Lachut (18:06)
Sure.

Bri (18:07)
You're there at the ER, your mom comes out and gives you the news. It's in a location that's non-surgical, chemo, radiation, a port, all of these things. It all happens very quickly. Where is your headspace in this time?

Kim Lachut (18:22)
My headspace is, we're gonna beat this, right? So that's your initial thought and that's my dad's thought. And I remember when he came out of having the port put in and my uncle was there and he says to him, he goes, he goes, we're gonna beat this. He goes, it's fine. We're gonna beat it. And of course, the more digging I did about the tumor that he had, the less optimistic I became. But I felt I still had to have that glimmer of hope. Hoping that he would be that small percentage that survived even if it was five years, right? Because five years survival is what they say. So I had a glimmer of hope that that might happen.

And as the weeks and the months progressed, instead of seeing signs of getting better, we saw the decline. Through that he would have weird seizures. So I remember him one day, we were sitting outside at my parents' house and he was just angry. And my dad was not an angry man, never got angry, never raised his voice. And he was sitting in a chair outside and it was a little cold. And we all came in and we wanted him to come inside and he just wouldn't move. And my husband was there and my brother and we were there as the family. And he just got so angry that he wouldn't move out of the chair. And my husband and my brother had to physically lift him out of the chair. And he was just cussing and angry. And how dare you move me and using language that you never heard come out of his mouth. And you're like, yeah, this just isn't right.

So of course, you're calling the doctors going, this happened, is this normal? And they're like, there's nothing normal with this disease. Anything and everything you should expect. Okay, great. There's really no guidebook. There's no rules. The rules were off the table. So anything and everything can be expected from this disease.

Bri (20:07)
How is that landing with you? Because hearing you say that, it just feels so defeating.

Kim Lachut (20:12)
It was. And for somebody like me who, you know, I need the answer, I want the answer, I want to be able to write it down and tell me the steps we need to do to get there, to get from A to B. And for you to tell me, there's really no straight line to get you from A to B is very demoralizing and very frustrating and caused a lot of, you know, anxiety and tears and a lot of phone calls to the doctor, a lot of research on the internet and what's out there and what's available.

His general practitioner at the time, I talked to him a lot, particularly about how my mom was handling things. And so not only was I there as the caregiver for dad, but I was also like, okay, I have to watch out for mom and mom's mental health and is she taking care of herself and is she sleeping and what does my mom need? So it was a lot of, okay, I'm in Connecticut, but I'm going to pick up the phone and I'm going to call my mom's doctor and say, okay, this is what's happening. What can we do for her? Okay, mom, what's happening with dad? When do you need me to come up? Do I need to get in the car? Do you want me to get in the car?

I wanted to be able to say it's going to be okay. And I couldn't say that to my mom. I couldn't say it's going to be okay because I knew from the research I had done that it wasn't going to be okay. It was just a matter of how much time does he have. So it went from, we beat this to how long can we keep him alive? And what's his quality of life going to be when we do keep him alive?

And looking back now, I probably would have suggested to my mother that we didn't put him through for five months because all it did was speed up his decline. It didn't help. Bringing him back and forth to doctors and the radiation and the chemo. And it made him tired. It made him moody.

On top of everything else, was diabetic. So he had type 2 diabetes. So we had to treat that on top of the tumor. So there was a lot we were having to deal with and a lot we had to maneuver.

So we had to take a lot of notes. What does he take it? When does he take it? We had to start giving him insulin. When does he need the shot? When does he not? Did I ever think I'd be giving my dad an insulin shot? Nope. But I had to do it because that's what he needed. So the five months was, it was hard, but I was so thankful that I had that time and I was there when he needed me the most.

Bri (22:30)
You mentioned that your all’s course of action was not the right one for those five months. With the knowledge you have now, what would you do differently?

Kim Lachut (22:41)
I might have got a second opinion because they live in a small rural town in Western Massachusetts. And we had talked about, do we bring him to Boston? Do we bring him to New York? Maybe there's another doctor. And at the time, we probably could have brought him to Boston, but all the doctors that we saw said, there's really not a lot that can be done since it's not operable because of where it is. There were a few trials that were out there and they're like, we could try it, but there's no guarantee.

So looking back now, maybe a second opinion and getting him to a different hospital, maybe somewhere with more resources might have been an option and something that I would have looked further into. But at the time, that just wasn't something that we were willing to do, to put him through all of that and travel three hours to get to a better hospital because we knew that that was going to have to be every day and he just couldn't have handled that.

Bri (23:26)
Yeah. We know that saying everything's different in hindsight. I have no doubt that every single one of you was making the best decision that you could with the information that you had at the time.

Kim Lachut (23:47)
Right. And we were. There were a lot of family meetings about what do we do and what do we do now? And really, what's the best for him? And what's his life going to be like if we continue down this road of the chemo and the radiation? And is it making a difference? And if it's not, then what do we do?

And I think one of the hardest decisions was when he was in the hospital, we decided we're just going to take him home because the hospital had said there's really nothing more we can do for him here. My mom and I started looking at care facilities and if you want to be depressed, go tour a care facility. And when we did that, I was just like, I can't put him here. I can't leave him in a care facility. He needs to be home. So my mom and I decided the best place for him was to bring him home. And that's what he did.

I said, I can come. I can stay. We brought him we set him up at home. And it was really the best decision we ever made was bringing him home and letting him die with some grace and some dignity surrounded by the people that he loved.

Bri (24:42)
As I'm hearing you describing all of this, I'm also hearing this parallel transition that's happening in the same time of you as a child being taken care of by a father transitioning into a child taking care of her father. How has that impacted your own identity development?

Kim Lachut (25:07)
When I was going through this, I never knew how strong I could be. And this really tested me of how far and how much strength I had to go through this.

Looking back now, I'm really proud of how I handled that and how I was able to manage taking care of him as his daughter and having to be there for my mom. I just found this inner strength that I didn't know even existed that I was able to turn it on when I needed it. And then when I got home and I was behind closed doors, I could turn it off and I could just cry.

But when I needed to be strong and be there for my mom and be there for him, I was going to do it and I did it. Once he was gone, that's when I fell apart. That's when I really truly fell apart. But I learned a lot about who I am as a person. I learned about priorities. I learned about what's important in life and not to sweat the small stuff, because I used to, man, type A, those small things were the things that got in my way. And now it's like, you know what? It's really not that big of a deal.

And I think that's one of the biggest takeaways I've taken from that is that is that life's too short to really get bogged down in the details. Enjoy. Enjoy what's in front of you and enjoy the time that you have with people around you.

Bri (26:27)
Yeah, absolutely. I love that. How do you carry your father's memory forward with you?

Kim Lachut (26:32)
Every day, you know, every day I wake up and say good morning to my dad. I talk about him, especially around the holidays. We old home movies that we watch or pictures. We bring out photo albums and I sit there and I talk to my daughter about it. She's at a point in her life where marriage is probably going to be on the table at some point. And I'm going to miss him not being there to be able to see it with her. But she knows that he's really there. He's looking down on her because we talk about him. And even though my mom has found somebody else in her life that she's been able to share time with, we still talk about my dad and we know how important he is and was to both of us. We don't shy away from talking about it. And we don't shy away from talking about his journey and what happened.

I wanted his death to matter. I wanted it to make sense, because for so long, we couldn't make sense of what happened.

Bri (27:30)
I'm curious how this has impacted how you view your relationship with your own daughter.

Kim Lachut (27:36)
I have one daughter and we're very close. And I try to be as open and honest with her as my dad was always with me and let her know that no matter what, I will always love her because that's what my dad always said. And we never went to bed without saying, I love you to either of my parents. And I started that with my daughter and we would never go to bed without saying that to each other. And she knows that both my husband and I are here through the good times, through the bad times. She can tell us anything with no judgments.

I think it's made me a better parent having gone through that because I know that I can get through anything.

When she was going through own health crisis was tremendously scary. But navigating her through that because she was a teenager when she was diagnosed and it was not something that she wanted everybody to know about or talk about. We would talk about it with her and now she lives with it. She understands it. She's like, this is a part of who I am and it's okay.

I think because I had such a strong relationship with my dad, it's only helped me being a good parent to my daughter, and leaving the lines of communication open and her knowing that I'm here for her whenever she needs it.

Bri (28:55)
How has this experience rewired your mind, Kim?

Kim Lachut (28:58)
Wow. I went into a depression after my dad died. It was really, really hard for me. I couldn't function at home. I wasn't being a good mom. I wasn't being a good wife. I couldn't think at work. I was really just having a really hard time getting through my day to day, crying at anything and everything around me, getting angry at the littlest things. And when you have a two year old, you have to have a lot of patience. And my patience was thin. And I knew that something had to be done because I was spiraling. And I was spiraling pretty hard. To the point where I didn't know what to do. I needed to help myself. I needed to do something. I went to a therapist and we started talking about it. I had a wonderful doctor who saw what I was going through and knew that medication would help. And I slowly, slowly started to get my depression under control.

There were moments where I would fall back and have episodes again, but I'm now looking back on it. It was a really scary time in my life because I bottled everything up for those five months when my dad was sick that I didn't give myself time to grieve. And it all hit me.

Through the whole day, I was great. And I got to my dad's grave site and I wouldn't leave. I couldn't leave because I didn't want to leave him there. And I collapsed. And I think that was when I realized he's gone. He's never coming back. And from that point on, it was a continued spiral into some really dark, dark places for me that I had to work through. And my husband, was there for me and he was a rock.

Bri (30:41)
And where are you today with your relationship with this experience?

Kim Lachut (30:46)
So today I am much better. I'm happy to say that I've learned coping skills. I've learned how to deal with anxiety, depression. It's a part of who I am. It's a part of my everyday learning to deal with the good and the bad. I still have panic attacks and these were things that I never had. Growing up and never experienced them until I lost my dad. But knowing that I can handle them and I can get myself through them with coping mechanisms has really helped me. I talked about it openly with my daughter. I let her know mommy is not in a good place today. You know, it's not you. Mommy's just sad and mommy needs to be sad and mommy's gonna get through it. So she understands even at a young age what I was going through. And even today she's great, you know, she'll know you're not having a good day, are you mom? And I'll be like, no. And she goes, well, that's okay.

And both my husband and my daughter understood it and were very supportive and helped get me through it. And I'm finally at a really good place with it in my life.

Bri (32:00)
That's great to hear. What would you want to share with another child of a parent with a brain tumor, be that an adult child or otherwise?

Kim Lachut (32:13)
Everybody's story is different and everybody's ending might not be the same. But know that you're new normal is chaos. Your normal is going to be different than somebody else's normal. And understand that they need support. There's people out there who can help you get through it, even if it's just to have a conversation.

Let people help you. Lean on people when you need to, because if you don't, it's gonna be a long, hard road. It's okay to grieve, it's okay to cry. It's okay to cry for the person that you're losing. I cried for the man that I knew, because he turned into a man that I didn't even recognize.

And it's okay to be angry. It's okay to be relieved when their suffering is over, even though it might not feel okay to be relieved, but it's okay because they're in a better place. Any emotions you're having, they're all normal. They're all normal.

Bri (33:09)
Yeah, and you'll probably experience all of them multiple times throughout the journey.

Kim Lachut (33:16)
And you may experience them all in the same day.

Bri (33:21)
Yes, yes, absolutely, absolutely. Well, Kim, if listeners want to connect with you to learn more or just be in community and be a support to you, where can they find you?

Kim Lachut (33:34)
I’m on LinkedIn, but they can also email me directly at klachut@gmail.com. Please feel free. If you are out there and you are part of the ABTA Mentor Network, I am also a mentor with them. If anybody has questions or they just need somebody to talk to about it, I would love to hear from you.

Bri (33:55)
Awesome, well, I will be sure to include the link to your LinkedIn, as well as your email address in the show notes as well for people to have easy access to them.

Thank you so much, Kim. I really appreciate you coming on and sharing your story. I know there is someone already jumping to their inbox to start drafting that email to you.

Kim Lachut (34:04)
You know, reliving and talking about my dad is always… It's always good medicine for me.

Bri (34:21)
I just hear so much the just deep, deep love in your family. It's very, very palpable when you speak of all of your family, but especially your father.

Kim Lachut (34:26)
Yes, puts a smile on my face now and I couldn't say that years ago. So I’ve come a long way.

Bri (34:39)
Indeed, indeed. Well, thank you so much, Kim.

Kim Lachut (34:42)
Thank you, Bri. This was wonderful. Thank you for having me.

Bri (34:45)
Thank you for being part of the Rewired Minds community. Full show notes, resources, and a transcript for today's conversation can be found at rewired-minds.com. If you or someone you know has a brain tumor story to share, I'd love to hear from you. Visit rewired-minds.com to learn more about collaborating on a future episode. This podcast is a one woman labor of love. It's a true honor to bring it to your ears and facilitate connection among the brain tumor community. If this episode resonated with you, please rate, review, and share with someone who might need to hear it.

Bri (35:17)
The stories shared in this podcast are personal accounts from the brain tumor community for informational and awareness purposes only and are not intended as medical advice. Always consult with qualified healthcare professionals regarding your specific situation.